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•••Thoughts Shared•••

My Fears of being the first love🤒

Here I am dating the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life and it all seems like a dream. This is a lady I have been chasing for years, months, weeks and days trying to impress and ask to be my girlfriend and all this time she turned me down as she wasn’t ready to accept me for reasons best known to her as she kept saying she wasn’t ready maybe in future but no guarantees. On the other hand I am thankful to her because she didn’t accept me then as I wasn’t really focused on relationships and it’s for sure I didn’t know what I wanted😂. The twists and turns of life, the struggles and the rejections while looking for love made me understand what to offer and what to expect in a relationship.

She told me I am her first love, in a way I was humbled and a part of me was scared because In my mind I thought that I might just be an experiment of what it feels like to be in a relationship. Sometimes people enter into relationships for wrong reasons and when they finally realise, the relationship comes to an end.

I ask myself questions but one that still disturbs me till date is what if I was a COINCIDENCE🤷🏾‍♂️. Just when she feels ready to be in a relationship here I come trying again😂… I bet in her mind she was like “this dude looks like he’s serious let me give him a shot and  if things don’t work out I’ll just bounce 😂“. What if I was a mistake she made? What if someone new comes to her life and gives her a different experience, will she be attracted and feel the vibe ? Is she eager to explore and experience more ? Will she stay or not ?

As for now things seem to be okay and super fine. I can say I am in love and she tells me the same everyday so we are in love with each other though I am insecure, I am afraid, I am worried and at times stressed out because I don’t know what to expect next. All in all to love is to respect, trust and it’s also a commitment to one another, living by the promises you make to each other every single day that passes by that tomorrow, we shall be together through it all and still be able to make each other happy. Sometimes you just let go of your fears and let them fade with time. 

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What’s the rock that stabilises your relationship, the pillar in which your relationship is founded on? What’s the foundation ?

4D0D6910-B188-4920-A772-8B4D03668368.jpegIf you ask many couples what has kept them together for a long period of time they’ll tell you constant communication between one another. They’ll talk of the good stuff and the bad stuff leaving nothing basically, sharing everything. This doesn’t happen along the way this happens from the beginning of it all when y’all decided to be a couple and promised to make each happy forever. RESPECT it is to me and to many who have managed to live with each other and grow together in love to see there children children’s. The word respect holds a lot of meaning and power to a relationship than the six letter word many of us see.

What comes with respect? When your relationship is based on mutual respect for one another a lot comes to play. There is trust, confidence, support, fear and most of it all genuine emotions. You’ll respect your partner for who she/he is, for what they are made of, for what she/he is doing for a living, for what he/she is bringing to the relationship, you’ll respect he’s/her  background, lifestyle, choices & decisions, opinions & perspective and many more that I have failed to mention. Yes communication is important but respect is at the peak of it all because for a meaningful conversation to take place, a conversation whose sole purpose is to build or strengthen a relation to be more solid, RESPECT must exists between the involved parties. The foundation of your relationship should be based on mutual respect and this brings all other important factors like trust to play. #RESPECT Begin with it flow with it.

FROZEN FEELINGS 🥶

At times relationships become too much too handle and very little expectations. It’s tough and problems don’t seem to come to an end. Everyday is the birth of an argument. It’s hard to understand that a love that once used to be  mushy-gushy has turned sour. What you feel becomes strange and you don’t even know if you still love or willing to put one more fight to restore things to normal, how things were before. The reality is that you are at a Stand still and your feelings are frozen 🥶. Ice cold.BF756D29-1873-4721-888D-503B79269804.jpeg

L😍L 😂

001: In the balcony and all I could think about is her. My mind clouded with eagerness to see he even if it’s for a second. It’s dark and still no sight of her. I wish I could get her out of my mind but it seems impossible. In a way I hate what I am feeling because this feels like someone is in control of my life and am hooked, stuck in Love. If the heart loves the mind focuses. At times feels like stress but in real sense it’s not. The mind needs to be distracted to shift focus but, what will be able to distract the mind, make it stop and how? A question am asking myself as I type. Long walk in this cold chilly weather is my preferred option and I think I’ll go through with it. 🚶🏾‍♂️.

Made steps down stairs confused whether to take the walk or not 🤦🏾‍♂️, I decide to cross the road, go to the groceries store buy a banana eat and head back to the house. Here I am taking a turn to get into the house then I see her standing outside again confused whether I should say hi or not. My mind has this other impression that she’s seen me or she hasn’t! Am left wondering. So am here chilling at the same spot I was before I started typing 😀😂this is my life 🤷🏾‍♂️807E1982-29F9-4DA9-BB45-2968014BC436

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